I'm In

Sorry still no original thoughts from me, just sharing some other people’s thoughts about the Newsweek Article about polyamory

From matdvor:

“What we all think about this perversion doesn't matter diddly squat. Do any of you ever stop and realize that you don't get to make the rules based on what you like, how you feel, or what you've experienced? Did you ever stop and ask: What does God think about this lifestyle? Is this our Creator's design? That is all that really matters. And I'm not talking about the little idolatrous god in your mind that you like to invent to legitimatize your sin. I'm talking about the One True God who clearly revealed Himself to us in His Word, the Bible. He gets to make the rules, not any of us.”

In response from jefflikesyou:

I have a master's degree from a very conservative Christian seminary. I have read the New Testament in its original Greek and the Old Testament in its original Hebrew. And I am afraid I'm going to need to correct some of your theology matdvor. There is no mandate for monogamy in the Bible - Paul says it is better for the faithful not to marry at all so that they can devote themselves entirely to God - the ten commandments say not to commit adultery, but the essence of adultery is clearly something different than sexual promiscuity or multiple partners.

Take King David for example: he is referred to as a man after God's own heart, fully devoted to God - he is called a Son of God (the same title applied to Jesus himself during his ministry) - he leads God's armies into many great victories and is clearly favored by God as a great King and exemplar of the faith. Early in David's life he had two wives, Abigail and Ahinoam as noted in 1 Samuel 25:42,43. But if you read on to 2 Samuel 5:13 you find that "David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem, and more sons and daughters were born to him." During all this time in David's life where he is clearly keeping multiple wives and concubines, God still favors him. (I wonder what David told all his kids about their multiple mommies and all his concubines...hmmm)

Later in his life David lusts after and cheats with Bathsheba (a married monogamous woman) and has her husband Uriah killed on the battlefield so that David can have Bathsheba for himself - this act displeased the Lord because of the deception and the murder - not because David slept with someone else. It is the blatant deception and breaking of a sacred vow that constitutes adultery - not simply having multiple partners. If there is no vow of monogamy as in the case of polyamourous people (and King David), then there is no adultery .

I think everyone should read the Bible. It's a fascinating, powerful, beautiful, complicated collection of books filled with wisdom and folly placed side by side. The problem is no one wants to read what's actually on the page - everyone comes with an agenda, a point to make, a prejudice, an axe to grind, or a dogma to reassure. And so the Bible is reduced to a weapon, or a book of quick-hitting quotes taken totally out of context. Is it any wonder misinformation abounds - often from the lips of those who claim most fervently to be the Bible's keepers?

Let God be bigger than you can understand, wiser than you can fathom, too strong to pin down, too infinite to reduce to a system. Then maybe you can learn to listen for the subtler symphony of truth, peace, joy, hope, and love that sings through the scriptures for those with ears to hear.

Sounds to me like polyamorous folk are trying to be peaceful, joyful, honest, and loving - I don't see how that conflicts with God's plan or the Bible at all.

-peace-

It rare that someone can make the Christen God sounds attractive to me. It is uncommon for me to read about capital H, Him and feel proud of my cultural heritage; this is one of those times.

Monogamy

French

At first the idea of a used condom rapper causing uncontrollable lust seems, at best silly and at worst kind of unhygienic. I forgive them for the shot implying a three way. I’m easy.

Someday I'm going to have to sit down and look at a culture where mistresses and lovers outside of marriage are understood, accepted, and not talked about.

Back to Blogging

I try to keep my personal current relationship stuff off of my blog, purely and simply because I don’t have perspective on it yet and will undoubtedly write from a place of emotion, so I’ll try to keep this short.

My girlfriend moved across the country. We knew it was going to happen, but the emotional fallout (along with other things) has been hard. I got a temp job that sucked my soul out from my non-dress-code dressed body. I also had started to feel like I was repeating myself in the blog a little too much for even my own taste.

I had always planned on continuing the blog, but the reason I'm picking it up again at this moment is this article on AOL interviewing Jenny Block about polyamory  Not the story itself but the comments. Here is a hint of some of the things that were being said:

“Let me restate my thought. This is just another attempt by the media (AOL) to destroy normal society and normal people's thoughts in order to establish their radical thinking agendas. Like I said, who cares? This lady is free to do as she pleases, just quit subjecting me to this trash.”

“I think Jenny Block is from another planet; or maybe, she belongs in the zoo. Wake up the Jenny's out there; this is the human race. We cannot try to live like animals. If it is a good thing to have open marriage, why is it that all organized culture in existence wrong Jenny's approach? Notice that I did not entwine the perfect doctrines and orderliness of our religious institutions. I am trying to be in the same level with Jenny; just to see if I could make sense to all this. Two wrongs do not make anything right. I hope married folks out, even single guys, don't follow Jenny's footsteps. Call this the twenty first century or whatever, the fact is that, civilized world like America, we only know of one man one woman. If you are lesbian or Gay, I don't have anything against you, but you must have one partner. The problem with Jenny was that she was a lesbian who got married to a guy for the wrong reasons”

“Seriously take this garbage off of here and quit posting crap like it. This is the second story like this in the past month, who care? A skank cheated on her husband and became a lesbian, or bisexual, whatever, who cares? It's more perpetuation of the gay lifestyle onto the mainstream. I don't care if you want to be gay but quit trying to push it on me, and quit pushing it on the children who get on AOL you sick pervs.”

“Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions. My opinion is that her open marriage is one that demonstrates how people are more concerned with selfish carnal desires and what is best for them before they even think to consider what is best for the person they claim to love. It took a year for her husband to be ok with it, which means he didn't want to but was faced with a decision of either changing and being ok with it or losing his wife. Sounds like the wife is extremely selfish and unwilling to see her faults. The husband considered his wife before himself and chose to please her. He may be ok with it now, but like she thinks society has been brainwashed about marriage, she brainwashed him about an open marriage. Its not about religion or beliefs, its about selfishness”

So that has caused me to get back to making sure my voice is out there. Even if it is small, and selfish, and wrong in other people’s eyes, because the more voices the better.

Until I get lazy and bored again.

More coming soon.

Gay AT You

Reason why I’m non-monogamous #327: Louis CK

Happy Pride Day

Want

I often see it said that people who are poly feel that it is impossible, or too much to ask, that one partner meet all one's needs. I agree with this, if we can change one word. I do believe it is impossible to have one person who fulfills all of your desires.

I have written before about the difference between “needs” and “desires” and how important I feel that it is to one's relationships to be clear on which is which. I think that as a community, polyamorous folks stay away from saying “desires” because it sounds less valid. "Desires" sounds selfish. It would confirm what some people think of us, that we are selfish and are asking for too much from our relationships, partners, and the world in general.

I have never felt the need to correct people who say such things , because they are true. At least for me. I am asking for too much. I was raised in a world that told me clearly how much it would be okay to ask for (a good job that I love, a loving husband, a sub-prime loan for the house… blab blah blah) but I’m not buying into it.

But I want more. Selfishly, I want more than what I have been told is my fair share. I want to share my life, my heart, my body, with more people than I should. I want to have the thrill of flings while having the safety of going home to my loves and family. I want to fuck strangers and have my partners listen and enjoy my stories. I want way too much.

I don’t need those things. I could live a happy life, with one partner, or even by myself. I could be a fulfilled person, a happy person, a contented person. I don’t need that selfish life, but I WANT it. I desire it, I can imagine it, and I am willing to work for it.

You don’t change the world by meeting your needs. And you don’t negotiate well in your relationship by misrepresenting needs as desires. So maybe it’s time we admit we are doing this because we want to.

It is impossible to expect one person to meet all of your desires.